It seems that with every post, I always start with "so much has been happening" or "it's been a crazy week" or something like that. Is that just me, or does this also commonly happen with other bloggers? I think it's factual that the last 2-3 months of the year is always the most beautiful, but also the busiest times in our lives. Listed below are some things recently happening in mine:

For a Personal Development class at school, the final program we're assigned with happens to be an internship. We're expected to reach out to companies that relate to the field we want to pursue for university/our careers, and then ask for an internship position in their company. It'll only last two weeks and will be held next year, but I'm definitely feeling the pressure of having to find companies that will want to take me in. I've sent e-mails (to several of them) and so far, zero responses. Maybe it's because these companies are located outside of my town, but I still feel like this is a bad sign. However, I'm still being extra hopeful and trying my best to get a response from those inside my city as well. Either way, I'm praying that wherever I'll end up in (hopefully somewhere good), I can make the best out of it and gain valuable experience along the way.

Green tea
As pictured above, lately I've actually been loving green tea. I started drinking a cup every morning ever since the start of the month and found that it did make a difference for my well-being. Most people take it for weight loss or "fat-burning", but for me, it isn't the case. To your body, it does give many benefits (boosts metabolism, antioxidant-rich, lowers risk of heart disease/obesity, etc etc), but for me, I've just found that it helps a lot with my anxiety. With so much stress, sitting down and thoroughly drinking a cup really gives a clear head space, and the tea just calms me down. 

A Harvard readiness test

About a month ago, our school took us to the World Education Expo that was held in town, where we got to come in and see many different universities, talk to representatives, and gather information at the booths. One of those universities was the Leadership Management Institute from Singapore. LMI happens to be a school people can enter when they wish to enter one of Harvard's liberal arts programmes. A prep school, of sorts, officially tied to Harvard itself, that allow you to take their intensive course in Singapore to get you ready for your Actual Harvard Admission Test. From there (LMI has a 95% success rate), you fly off and become an ~*Official Harvard Student*~. Quite impressive.

Upon the chance of talking to them, they gave me (and a few of my friends) a free chance to take the Harvard readiness test (originally you had to pay $100, no kidding). This is basically an online placement test that tells you whether or not you're suitable to enter LMI, and henceforth, Harvard standards. We had 60 minutes and it consisted of critical reading and integrated writing. I decided to take the test, and it was pretty complex but I did expect it to be. Two weeks after, they sent a "Congratulations!" e-mail telling me I passed the test. I was surprised, to say the least. They started contacting me and asking to meet up with my parents and I to "discuss the next steps". 

Of course, it's Harvard (the ultimate ~*dream*~) and I could just consider a major in Creative Writing if I had the money. Become a change, pursue something different, make my Asian heritage proud, you know? But realistically speaking, I knew that Harvard was beyond what I could afford (both time-wise and financially). I only wanted to try the test just to see if I could ace it (plus they gave us free Harvard water bottles). Getting admitted into the school gave me an assurance that I'm capable of more than what I give myself credit for. It made me feel a little more confident. But this whole process also told me that sometimes windows open, but that doesn't mean you can just fly through them. There are times where you need to contemplate on the consequences and what it'll actually take. To know that I could've just said yes to LMI and follow a path to become a Harvard student and change my entire life and shock everyone, the feeling is indescribable. A small opening to step out of my life now and go and pursue a whole different, unimaginable life for myself. But for now, I'll just make peace with the fact that I stumbled upon the opportunity, but it was all I can afford and it is enough. Who knows? I might try Harvard some other day in the future. But not today, and that's alright.

Preparing for TOEFL

Because I'm preparing to leave for university next year, I've been stacking up on my portfolio pieces as well as catching up with the English requirements. For studying in Australia, most would recommend IELTS instead, but I opted for TOEFL just to go for something a little more universal. I'll be taking the iBT test this Saturday. I've taken a couple of simulation tests before and have found them to be quite tricky. My final results were always sufficient but I still want to try to achieve more.

So for this I bought a TOEFL iBT prep book. I wouldn't normally purchase a book to study it on my own so this ~*responsible and determined*~ step did make me feel good about myself (even though it was because my family recommended me to and because I was scared of failure). The book was costly, but it contains 400+ pages of guidance for tips and skills to pick up along the way. Also, it gives a deep insight to each iBT section, complete with a disc and several model tests to help us practice. I started using it last week and this week I'm determined to finish at least one pre-test in the book (in the midst of the crazy storm that is my life right now). Let's hope I make it.

Living in the moment
To be real, my life has been a mess. The things above are just some of what's been keeping me extra busy these past few days (I'm talking tests, assignments, and a whole lot of e-mails). But if there's something I've been learning to do lately, it's to make peace with the present time. There's this quote that I keep reminding myself, "No amount of worry can change the future, and no amount of regret can change the past." From this, I learn that when I give in to the habit of beating myself up for every failure, or when I let myself become discouraged because I'm scared of what's ahead of me, it just does a lot more harm than good.

This also has to do with the fact that I have less than a year of living in my country and city now. Next year, my life will already be drastically different, and at that point, that bad grade I got in math class won't even matter at all. I'm not giving up, but I think it's time to stop being so hard on myself. To stop being so fixated with what's behind or in front of me, and make something of today. To give a little room for myself to breathe, and stop thinking about "what I have to do" or "what I should've done", but more about "what I want to do now".

Gosh, what a lengthy post!
But thank you for stopping by and reading this (or maybe bits of it, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't read the whole thing), and please leave a comment below because I'd love to know how you're all doing. :) You can always follow me on my social media as well.

From the girl who's got a lot to learn,